It was a wonderful world
The picture tube was bright
There was so much to do on a Saturday night
Plenty of talk during commercials
Sometimes even popcorn in bed
I've been a model provider
You must admit to that
A lovely rented bungalow
Two terrific little cats
Is there something that I might have missed
You haven't heard a word I've said
Since his penis came between us
Since his penis came between us
Well I don't mean to seem angry
But I'm a bit taken back
What did you say his name was
Oh my god, it's not Jack?
That scoundrel's gonna' get a talking to
Tomorrow at the coffee machine
It's always someone you know
In this case my best friend
How could he do this to me
We just played golf last weekend
I've got news for Mr. So-and-so
He won't be teeing of with me
Since his penis came between us
Since his penis came between us
Let's play a little game
Is it bigger than a bread-box
Or shorter than your maiden name
Is it as high as an elephants eye
Is it like mounting some great white steed
I mean this thing you have for him
Shall we say - need ?
Let's turn off the lights, love
It's time for bed
Oh look, there's Johnny Carson
If you rather watch instead
I'm glad that we could have this little talk
Goodnight, and pleasant dreams my love